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GAEA G-PANIC #17 2/21/99 2/3/99 Osaka Furitsu Taiikukan 2 (1,200) KAORU vs. Sakura Hirota |
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Hirota is just plain awful. She embarrasses herself because she sucks, and then she embarrasses herself on purpose because self humiliation "comedy" is the only thing she can do "well." You know you are in for it when KAORU tries to carry a match, but a singles match won't be good no matter who Hirota is wrestling. Hirota just isn't an athlete, you can see it in her sequences, transitions, bumps, etc. "Normally I defend the comedy spots of the chubby chipmunk because when they are done in the right way, at the right time, they are tolerable. In this match that was not the case however, and the first few minutes ranged from being a waste to being really sad, especially the spot where Sakura was on the top turnbuckle swating at Kaoru. Luckily that led us into the rest of the match which really picked up," wrote Michael At one point she tried to do a swandive move, but not only was she unable to sling herself onto the top rope, she couldn't even climb up the rope. Instead, she just flopped over it, making a fool out of herself so the audience could get their cheap J.T. Smith snickers, and missing KAORU by a few feet. The execution in this match was not very good. Then again, nothing about the match was. "I thought that was a planned spot to be honest with you. If it wasn't then I'm sure it made it's way into her arsenal after the match anyway," wrote Michael. I agree that this was a planned spot, that's why I made the J.T. Smith reference. The last couple of minutes were actually pretty good, with Hirota getting a series of near falls. "Once they went to the actual match is was ok. You know I love KAORU, but I've got to question her thinking because she goes for a 6th moonsault after Hirota already kicked out of five in a row. That seemed to be the theme of this match though, proving neither is a smart worker and especialy in Sakura's case they reuse the same spots over and over again in a singular match but since we already knew that there's no need to dwell on it. Hirota look decent in a couple of spots and had two good near falls with the Tequila Sunrise and another with a Magistral and did a passable job of pushing KAORU... I guess," wrote Michael. If Hirota would have gotten 30 near falls on KAORU, I still don't see how anyone could feel she had any real shot of winning. The problem with this match is that the first part and second part simply do not mesh. Either Hirota is the loveable (or not so loveable) loser who (does not) "entertain" you with her wrestling version of the pitiful Janeane Garofalo pity me routine or she is someone who (poorly) attempts to wrestle and can semi-credibly be put over if she gets the near falls. To me, the only way that the Hirota from the first part of the match can win is if she lucks into it. The Hirota from the second part could win even though she has inferior talent, but since part 2 came after part 1, I no longer believe in her. Of course, Hirota can't win because she is the jester of Chigusa's kingdom, so KAORU beat her with the Excalibur. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell KAORU's version of the Michinoku driver II has to do with Excalibur, and I think I always will be. Maybe when she steals a newer, better finisher (not that there's anything wrong with the one she has now) she can call it the lady of the lake, yeah, that would make good sense because she holds the power of the kingdom. Actually, if she hangs around until her workrate is as low as Chigusa's is right now, she'll be pretty scary to watch, so she'd have to adapt to that by appropriatly reducing her finishers name from very good John Boorman to avoid like the demon Boorman, thus we could have the Exorcist driver II. Special Thanks to: Michael Smith 13:48 (8:08)
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